0 What happens after you end your marriage?

When you walk down the aisle in a white wedding gown, the last thought in your head is saying goodbye to the man you are walking towards. You vow forever and you seal this with a kiss. But what happens if years later, you realize that those promises have to be broken?

The line must be drawn somewhere

Sylvia and Therese (names have been changed) both left their husbands for different reasons, but both drew the line at the same point.

“I wasn't who I was anymore,” says Therese. “I had given up a lot of who I was and what I wanted to do for the sake of our marriage. And when that happens to you, it’s not a nice realization. You feel cheated and sad and unhappy.”

Sylvia agrees. “I realized one day that I had turned into a person I did not like at all. I also realized that if I stayed in that relationship, I would actually be telling my children that it's okay to be treated that way. I didn't want my sons to grow up thinking that it's okay to cheat on their wives, or my daughter to think that it's okay to be abused. I wasn't just responsible for myself, I was also responsible for my children.”


The reaction of friends

Although Sylvia’s friends and family supported her decision, Therese’s situation was not as clear-cut. “Half my friends weren't my friends anymore,” she says. “I guess they believe that people should be together until death despite being unhappy with each other. I did try to make things work with my ex-husband but there will come a point in time when you have to decide if it is really worth it and if you'd want to waste years of your life on a relationship where you'll be unhappy. It wasn't an easy decision but it was one that I was happy I stuck with. I did have friends who supported me, they're the ones that stick with you no matter what and don't judge you.”

Related: Abandon Everything You Thought You Knew About Saving Your Marriage And Avoiding Divorce!!

The changes you make

Because Therese didn’t have kids, she didn’t have to make major changes. She did move out and find her own place, but one of the big adjustments she had to make was to find new friends. “Most of my friends were married and some had kids and since I lost half of my friends, I had to find newer people to hang out with,” she says.

Sylvia, on the other hand, had four children to support. “I knew that I wouldn't be able to count on the father of my children,” she explains. “He was bitter about the separation, and blamed me for everything that went wrong. I expected that, and that's fine. Working hard for my children is far better than staying in a toxic relationship.”

The tale you tell

What you can’t escape in our society is judgment. But both Therese and Sylvia say they don’t really talk about it unless they’re asked. “I'm really not the type to explain my actions to people,” says Sylvia. “If they asked, I just told them the truth.”

Therese adds, “And for those who asked, I sometimes did sense judgment, but I expected it so I just toughened up. At the end of the day, it didn't matter what they thought because I knew I was happy with my decision.”

Related: Only You Can Decide if Your Marriage is Over

The freedom it brings

“ I feel more free now. Life has opened up possibilities I never thought I would experience,” says Therese. “When I got married, I could visualize a certain kind of life and when it didn't happen, I was sad. But you just move on and follow whichever road or opportunity opens up. Now my life is so different from what I thought it would be. Onwards and upwards is what I say!”

“My life changed for the better,” shares Sylvia. “I’m happy. My children are happy. My parents are happy. Plus, I'm doing work that I love! Of course, managing my finances can be challenging at times, but that's just money. I can work for that. My sanity and peace of mind, that's hard to lose!”

source: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/

0 What Is Divorce Mediation

Before you consider hiring someone to help you with your divorce problems. I think you should consider first to ask for someone's help to mediate between you and your partner.

Divorce mediation is a method which is used to find solution for those issues on which divorcing parties are locking horns. At times, what happens is that in a contested divorce, both the divorcing parties get stuck on issues like spousal support or child support. To resolve such issues divorce mediation service is initiated. During mediation, both the divorcing parties meet with their attorneys along with a court appointed third party. This third party is a mediator who helps both the parties resolve their conflict. The biggest benefit of divorce mediation service is that both the parties get chances to discuss their issues, try to resolve issues and come on a common agreement. The job of the mediator is to help the parties resolves their issue and not to enforce any decision or agreement. Mediator acts as intermediary and offers opinions or provides suggestions to the parties.

Given below is some of the biggest advantages of a divorce mediation:

* There is no point getting your divorce cases dragged into litigation for months; thus, increasing the attorney bills. With the help of divorce mediation, you can wrap the case in less time and can save a lot of money. Once the mediation process is successful it replaces the formal process of divorce court. The major impact of mediation is that it reduces the legal process for the parties and minimizes the case load on family law court system.

* Mediation is fair for everyone. The mediator appointed by court does not have any interest in the outcome. They do not gain or lose anything. Because of this reason, they can see possible solution for the conflict, which the divorcing parties cannot see because of the emotions involved.

* It is a confidential process. No court lawyer will be present to note down every word that is said. If there are any notes made by the divorce mediation attorneys, then they are thrown away after the case. Thus, saving you from any public embarrassment if the data is leaked in public. In this process, there is no role for public court system.

* Divorce brings along loads of stress and sadness. The effects of divorce are long lasting in the mind of the children. Imagine the amount of stress your children will go through if the divorce application keeps getting dragged in litigation. All you are doing is paying attorney fees and hoping for something that may not come despite losing everything behind it. You might get a settlement but what's the point of getting a settlement when you paid more attorney fees than what you got.

Mediation was introduced in the legal system to decrease the pending case load on family court system. It is cost effective, takes less time and increases the chances of getting a better settlement than what you will be getting after getting over with the court litigations or with out of court settlement.

source: goarticles.com