0 What happens after you end your marriage?

When you walk down the aisle in a white wedding gown, the last thought in your head is saying goodbye to the man you are walking towards. You vow forever and you seal this with a kiss. But what happens if years later, you realize that those promises have to be broken?

The line must be drawn somewhere

Sylvia and Therese (names have been changed) both left their husbands for different reasons, but both drew the line at the same point.

“I wasn't who I was anymore,” says Therese. “I had given up a lot of who I was and what I wanted to do for the sake of our marriage. And when that happens to you, it’s not a nice realization. You feel cheated and sad and unhappy.”

Sylvia agrees. “I realized one day that I had turned into a person I did not like at all. I also realized that if I stayed in that relationship, I would actually be telling my children that it's okay to be treated that way. I didn't want my sons to grow up thinking that it's okay to cheat on their wives, or my daughter to think that it's okay to be abused. I wasn't just responsible for myself, I was also responsible for my children.”


The reaction of friends

Although Sylvia’s friends and family supported her decision, Therese’s situation was not as clear-cut. “Half my friends weren't my friends anymore,” she says. “I guess they believe that people should be together until death despite being unhappy with each other. I did try to make things work with my ex-husband but there will come a point in time when you have to decide if it is really worth it and if you'd want to waste years of your life on a relationship where you'll be unhappy. It wasn't an easy decision but it was one that I was happy I stuck with. I did have friends who supported me, they're the ones that stick with you no matter what and don't judge you.”

Related: Abandon Everything You Thought You Knew About Saving Your Marriage And Avoiding Divorce!!

The changes you make

Because Therese didn’t have kids, she didn’t have to make major changes. She did move out and find her own place, but one of the big adjustments she had to make was to find new friends. “Most of my friends were married and some had kids and since I lost half of my friends, I had to find newer people to hang out with,” she says.

Sylvia, on the other hand, had four children to support. “I knew that I wouldn't be able to count on the father of my children,” she explains. “He was bitter about the separation, and blamed me for everything that went wrong. I expected that, and that's fine. Working hard for my children is far better than staying in a toxic relationship.”

The tale you tell

What you can’t escape in our society is judgment. But both Therese and Sylvia say they don’t really talk about it unless they’re asked. “I'm really not the type to explain my actions to people,” says Sylvia. “If they asked, I just told them the truth.”

Therese adds, “And for those who asked, I sometimes did sense judgment, but I expected it so I just toughened up. At the end of the day, it didn't matter what they thought because I knew I was happy with my decision.”

Related: Only You Can Decide if Your Marriage is Over

The freedom it brings

“ I feel more free now. Life has opened up possibilities I never thought I would experience,” says Therese. “When I got married, I could visualize a certain kind of life and when it didn't happen, I was sad. But you just move on and follow whichever road or opportunity opens up. Now my life is so different from what I thought it would be. Onwards and upwards is what I say!”

“My life changed for the better,” shares Sylvia. “I’m happy. My children are happy. My parents are happy. Plus, I'm doing work that I love! Of course, managing my finances can be challenging at times, but that's just money. I can work for that. My sanity and peace of mind, that's hard to lose!”

source: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/

0 Common Reasons Why an Affair Ends

There are different reasons why a person decided to end his or her affair or cheating. I found this article that explains some of the common causes of an affair ending and i think that the writer showed some good points on the issue. Whether its just a phase, guilt or for whatever reason you must understand that an affair does not have a high chance of working out or ending well and it hurts everyone in the process.

I often have two different sets of people asking me this question. Sometimes, people whose spouses are having an affair want to know why and how affairs end so that they can attempt to make the affair end sooner. Other times, I hear from the people involved in the affair. They don't want it to end so they are looking for common pitfalls in the hopes that they can avoid them. Much of the time, one party is hoping that the affair ends (and is looking for a way to help this process happen more quickly) while the other is hoping that it never ends. In the following article, I'll tell you some of the most common reasons that I see affairs end.

The Affair Will Commonly Fizzle Out As The "Newness" And Excitement Wears Off: There's no question that, to many, part of the appeal of the affair is the fact that it's taboo and forbidden. There can be an excitement that comes with a new and secret relationship. But as the early days give way to old ones, this sense of newness quickly wears off and gives way to the familiar. And when this happens, a lot of that excitement goes with it. When this happens, the affair / relationship will often just die a natural death or fizzle out. Because it's often not real or genuine feelings and emotions that are holding these two together. It's a facade that fades.

Sometimes, The Guilt Becomes So Overwhelming That One Party Chooses To End The Affair: It's also not uncommon for one person to end the affair out of guilt. There's a stereotype that people who have affairs are unfeeling and don't care about their spouse anymore. This isn't always the case. Many do feel guilt and some even end the affair because of those same guilt feelings. Although the person on the other side of the affair will often hope or think that the person with whom they are cheating has distanced himself from his family or is no longer as invested as he once was, this sometimes proves to be not the case.

Sometimes The Faithful Spouse Finds Out About The Affair And A Choice Must Be Made: It's not at all uncommon for the faithful spouse to learn about the affair (and sometimes the unfaithful spouse will confess to this themselves.) When this happens, the faithful spouse will often issue an ultimatum and demand that a choice be made. And it's not at all uncommon for the cheating spouse to end the affair in a response to that ultimatum because they decide that their spouse is more important to them than the other person.

An Affair Can End Because One Or Both People Involved In It Realize That The Relationship Just Isn't Working Anymore Or Was Built Upon Misconceptions: It's also not uncommon for one or both people in the relationship to evaluate it and decide that it isn't working anymore or just isn't what they thought or hoped it would be. Often in the beginning, they can build the other person up to be something who he or she is not. After all, if you're going to risk your marriage and your family to participate in infidelity, that other person must be awful special. But, after a while, it becomes easier to see them for who they really are or aren't. And when this happens, you can realize that the other person (or the relationship) just isn't worth the risk or the personal costs.

When Reality Sets In, The Rose Colored Glasses Can Come Off: In the beginning of an affair, both people are usually on their best behavior and are working very hard to make each encounter exciting and memorable. Usually at least one person is investing a lot into the relationship. But this can only last or be maintained for so long. Eventually, she might see or have to pick up his dirty socks. Her lack of character might start to annoy him and the list goes on and on. The point is, eventually, the relationship behind the affair becomes like any other relationship - warts and all. And it can become fairly obvious that if the affair in marriage is going to have all of the usual problems of a marriage or other long term relationship, then what's the point?

The End To An Affair Can Come Very Abruptly Or Quite Gradually: Sometimes when people think of an affair ending, they picture a very dramatic breakdown. I've had people tell me that they sat on the phone while their spouse called the other person and instantly ended the affair. I've heard of nasty face to face confrontations and threats to never ever have any contact again. But an affair doesn't always end with a bang. It can also end with a gradual whimper where one person quietly breaks it off or the interactions or meetings just become less and less frequent until they eventually end altogether.

No matter how and why affairs end, most do end eventually. Statistics show that very few relationships that start as an affair end up in marriage - much less a marriage that actually lasts. There's an exception to every rule, of course. But for the most part, an affair does not have a high chance of working out or ending well. That's why it can be advisable to never start one in the first place.

source: goarticles.com

0 What Is Divorce Mediation

Before you consider hiring someone to help you with your divorce problems. I think you should consider first to ask for someone's help to mediate between you and your partner.

Divorce mediation is a method which is used to find solution for those issues on which divorcing parties are locking horns. At times, what happens is that in a contested divorce, both the divorcing parties get stuck on issues like spousal support or child support. To resolve such issues divorce mediation service is initiated. During mediation, both the divorcing parties meet with their attorneys along with a court appointed third party. This third party is a mediator who helps both the parties resolve their conflict. The biggest benefit of divorce mediation service is that both the parties get chances to discuss their issues, try to resolve issues and come on a common agreement. The job of the mediator is to help the parties resolves their issue and not to enforce any decision or agreement. Mediator acts as intermediary and offers opinions or provides suggestions to the parties.

Given below is some of the biggest advantages of a divorce mediation:

* There is no point getting your divorce cases dragged into litigation for months; thus, increasing the attorney bills. With the help of divorce mediation, you can wrap the case in less time and can save a lot of money. Once the mediation process is successful it replaces the formal process of divorce court. The major impact of mediation is that it reduces the legal process for the parties and minimizes the case load on family law court system.

* Mediation is fair for everyone. The mediator appointed by court does not have any interest in the outcome. They do not gain or lose anything. Because of this reason, they can see possible solution for the conflict, which the divorcing parties cannot see because of the emotions involved.

* It is a confidential process. No court lawyer will be present to note down every word that is said. If there are any notes made by the divorce mediation attorneys, then they are thrown away after the case. Thus, saving you from any public embarrassment if the data is leaked in public. In this process, there is no role for public court system.

* Divorce brings along loads of stress and sadness. The effects of divorce are long lasting in the mind of the children. Imagine the amount of stress your children will go through if the divorce application keeps getting dragged in litigation. All you are doing is paying attorney fees and hoping for something that may not come despite losing everything behind it. You might get a settlement but what's the point of getting a settlement when you paid more attorney fees than what you got.

Mediation was introduced in the legal system to decrease the pending case load on family court system. It is cost effective, takes less time and increases the chances of getting a better settlement than what you will be getting after getting over with the court litigations or with out of court settlement.

source: goarticles.com