The line must be drawn somewhere
Sylvia and Therese (names have been changed) both left their husbands for different reasons, but both drew the line at the same point.
“I wasn't who I was anymore,” says Therese. “I had given up a lot of who I was and what I wanted to do for the sake of our marriage. And when that happens to you, it’s not a nice realization. You feel cheated and sad and unhappy.”
Sylvia agrees. “I realized one day that I had turned into a person I did not like at all. I also realized that if I stayed in that relationship, I would actually be telling my children that it's okay to be treated that way. I didn't want my sons to grow up thinking that it's okay to cheat on their wives, or my daughter to think that it's okay to be abused. I wasn't just responsible for myself, I was also responsible for my children.”
The reaction of friends
Although Sylvia’s friends and family supported her decision, Therese’s situation was not as clear-cut. “Half my friends weren't my friends anymore,” she says. “I guess they believe that people should be together until death despite being unhappy with each other. I did try to make things work with my ex-husband but there will come a point in time when you have to decide if it is really worth it and if you'd want to waste years of your life on a relationship where you'll be unhappy. It wasn't an easy decision but it was one that I was happy I stuck with. I did have friends who supported me, they're the ones that stick with you no matter what and don't judge you.”
Related: Abandon Everything You Thought You Knew About Saving Your Marriage And Avoiding Divorce!!
The changes you make
Because Therese didn’t have kids, she didn’t have to make major changes. She did move out and find her own place, but one of the big adjustments she had to make was to find new friends. “Most of my friends were married and some had kids and since I lost half of my friends, I had to find newer people to hang out with,” she says.
Sylvia, on the other hand, had four children to support. “I knew that I wouldn't be able to count on the father of my children,” she explains. “He was bitter about the separation, and blamed me for everything that went wrong. I expected that, and that's fine. Working hard for my children is far better than staying in a toxic relationship.”
The tale you tell
What you can’t escape in our society is judgment. But both Therese and Sylvia say they don’t really talk about it unless they’re asked. “I'm really not the type to explain my actions to people,” says Sylvia. “If they asked, I just told them the truth.”
Therese adds, “And for those who asked, I sometimes did sense judgment, but I expected it so I just toughened up. At the end of the day, it didn't matter what they thought because I knew I was happy with my decision.”
Related: Only You Can Decide if Your Marriage is Over
The freedom it brings
“ I feel more free now. Life has opened up possibilities I never thought I would experience,” says Therese. “When I got married, I could visualize a certain kind of life and when it didn't happen, I was sad. But you just move on and follow whichever road or opportunity opens up. Now my life is so different from what I thought it would be. Onwards and upwards is what I say!”
“My life changed for the better,” shares Sylvia. “I’m happy. My children are happy. My parents are happy. Plus, I'm doing work that I love! Of course, managing my finances can be challenging at times, but that's just money. I can work for that. My sanity and peace of mind, that's hard to lose!”
source: http://ph.she.yahoo.com/
0 comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for visiting Marriage Sherpa, please feel free to share your thoughts.